Hi there,

In our family we celebrate Christmas so this time of year is especially busy for us. Parties to throw, gifts to buy and wrap, trees to decorate and good cheer to share.

But how do you cope with all the above when the last thing you feel like doing is any of the above? Christmas (or any other big event) can be a time of joy, friends and celebration. Or, it can be a time of extreme sadness, loneliness and despair.

Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. But seven years ago when I lost my mom just a few weeks before Christmas it shattered my world and Christmas no longer felt like it did in the past. As hard as I tried to put a smile on my face I just didn't feel the same joy I had once felt.

In fact, I felt sad, confused and boy did I struggle. Why? Because "everyone" knows you're suppose to “be happy” this time of year! Especially me, a LOVER of Christmas! So, I forced a smile on my face and pretended to be happy. As I think back, I cringe at how inauthentic it felt to act happy when deep inside I was hurting.

Now that I have seven years under my belt from a loss that really did turn my world upside down I've gained a new perspective. I've learned, with the help of some very wise friends, that I don’t need to feel happy and good ALL the time. I learned that it's O.K. to feel sad and it's even O.K. to "do" Christmas a little different then I had in the past. These wise and caring friends gave me full permission to feel what I was feeling. As a result, expressing my sadness and fears helped me release them so much faster.

It took time to create new traditions for my family. We’re still fine-tuning as we go along! However, each year it gets better and each year I’m able to feel more of the joy I once felt. For me this process has taken time but each year Christmas feels better to me. It doesn’t feel like it used to – it feels like it’s suppose to feel right now.

Part of getting and keeping your life on track requires being honest about how you feel. Putting on a happy face, when the last thing you really feel is happy, stuffs your pain deeper and tighter inside of you. And that my friend, gets you nowhere.

What can you do when the situation calls for happy and you feel anything but? Read this week’s brand new article for some tips.

This holiday season I hope you are happy. I hope you can feel the full extent of your joy and I hope you can delight in the season. But, if you can’t, that’s O.K. too. In fact, it’s more than O.K. It’s what’s real and REAL is always the right way to go.

Wishing you happiness and success,

This Holiday Season Ditch the Happy Face and Feel Better! 5 Tips that Will Show You How!

This time of year can be especially difficult if you’re someone who’s experienced a loss or find yourself separated from your loved ones.

During the holiday season there is so much pressure to put on a happy face and act as though all is well. But doing so can set you back and keep you stuck.

Here are 5 tips on how you can ditch the happy face and feel what you are feeling – guilt free!

1. Be Honest with Yourself

If you’ve experienced a major loss or find yourself separated from family and friends the last thing you will feel is happy. So why force it?

If you’re sad, allow yourself to feel and admit you’re sad. If you’re hurting inside, allow yourself to hurt AND allow yourself to be honest with others about how much you hurt.

Being honest about how you feel will help you release your painful emotions. Stuffing your pain will only make you feel worse.

2. Enlist Help

Not everyone will welcome your honest feelings and they won’t be able to sit with you in your pain. But someone will.

Enlist the help of those that are willing to be with you during your tough times. If a friend won’t do the trick for you, call on a coach or therapist who is trained to listen and help you through your pain.

The point is you don’t have to go it alone. If you need help - ask. More than likely the person you asked will be thrilled you came to them for help.

3. Set Boundaries

Sometimes you need to say, “NO”! Don’t feel you have to say yes to parties and events if you don’t feel like it.

It might be hard saying no to your child’s Christmas program but saying no to the annual cookie exchange might be just what you need to do to get through the holiday in one piece.

Simplify your holiday routine. Attend fewer parties, decorate less, order your gifts online and avoid the busy malls. Put more space between you and the outside world and give yourself a chance to work through your feelings.

4. Give Yourself Permission to Feel Good

If you’ve experienced a loss this year it might be very difficult for you to laugh, feel happy and enjoy yourself. On the one hand you may not feel like it and on the other hand you may feel guilty for having fun.

Feeling good isn’t disrespectful and it’s not a crime. In fact, laughing with friends and enjoying yourself might be the best gift you can give yourself.

The trick is not to overdo it or force it. Enjoy yourself because you want to enjoy yourself. Don’t push yourself. A little nudge doesn’t hurt as long as you’re still honoring your real feelings.

5. Be Patient

If you’re hurting, be gentle and patient with yourself. You may not feel good overnight and that’s O.K. Allow yourself time to grieve, hurt and heal.

There is no time limit on how fast you should feel better so don’t give yourself one. Each person heals in their own time. You have your time so honor it.

© 2006 Cari Vollmer / LifeOnTrack.com

Want to use my articles on your website or your own ezine? No problem! But here’s what you MUST include: Cari Vollmer, Founder of LifeOnTrack.com and creator of InspireYourSuccess.com, simplifies personal growth by showing you step-by-step how to create and live a life that works well and feels great! To sign up for her FREE how-to articles and no-charge 5-Day Feel Great Now E-Course visit LifeOnTrack.com.

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Copyright © 2006 LifeOnTrack.com, Cari Vollmer

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